Michelle's Family

We have a lot going on at our house today.  Today is my precious daughter's birthday. Jessica is 4 years old .   Sarah and I baked a birthday cake for her, and we will decorate it later.  She wanted everything on the planet that was pink, girly, or looked fun.  I honestly think if she saw a commercial with kids playing in poop, she'd want the poop, lol.  She's so adorable.  I always try to cook my children's favorite meal or else take them out to eat if they prefer on their birthday.  When I asked my food-obsessed little girl what she wanted to eat on her birthday she told me chicken, green beans, corn, macaroni and cheese, and mashed potatoes.  When I asked her what kind of cake she wanted, she said, "I want brownies, cookies, cupcakes, and chocolate."  She is so cute, but I'm going to have to watch her diet carefully.  Today, she will feast.  I will let her eat whatever she wants.  Food issues are common with foster children, because of the neglect they often recieved at home.  In my experience, foster children tend to want to hoard food when they get it because they are still in survival mode eating excessive amounts of food when they can because they don't know when they'll get it again.  Jessica seems to take excessive amounts of pleasure in food.  She thinks of food constantly and is always asking for more.  She daydreams of the day when she's old enough to make her own food.  She talks about when she's a grown-up how she will be a chef and make food "allll the time". and gets to "cut my own sandwiches".  Food is very comforting to her, and she definitely uses it as an emotional crutch.  I'll never forget the time she went to her room and curled up in the fetal position and was sobbing because she wanted another cookie and she didn't think we'd let her have one.  I have plan to help her get past these issues but I haven't implemented it yet.  The first thing I'm going to try is making her bags of healthy food that she can eat as much as she wants, anytime she wants.  I think I'll have some carrots, cucumber slices, broccoli, and maybe some apple slices in baggies for her to help herself to.  I'm so grateful that 4 years ago today my precious Jessica was born....a beautiful little 6lb baby with a head full of dark hair.  I'm praying for her birth mommy today.

Speaking of food I'm dieting.  I'm not good at this.  In fact, I do not know of anyone who is worse than I am at it.  In all my years of dieting, 2 weeks is the longest I've ever stuck to a diet.  So I'm getting close to my dieting record.  I want to be thin.  But usually I don't want to be thin as much as I want eat food.  Unlike most dieters, I don't  feel guilty after eating the wrong foods or the excessive amounts of food.  And I'm not extremely unhappy about my appearance either.  Yes, I think I'd be more attractive if I were thinner, but I don't feel "ugly" now.  I DO want my husband to think I'm hot  .  I DO want to be healthier.  I DO want to get my pre-diabetes, boderline high blood pressure self healthier before it gets out of control.  My days on this earth are numbered, as is everyones.  I'd prefer to live life as healthy as I can so that I can ENJOY my life and family.  So I signed up Nutrisystem.  I figured the premade meals that I spent an astronomical amount of money on would motivate me to stick to this plan.  However, what do you do when you stay on your diet and STILL don't lose weight?  I lost weight last week, but this week I haven't lost any so far.  Well, I haven't really been following the plan.  I'm actually not eating enough calories (been getting under a 1000 this week) and not drinking enough water or eating all of the snack meals they recommend.  I've GOT to get back on track.  But today is harder than normal, with that delicious frosting over there on the counter calling my name.  I've eaten some already.  And I didn't measure it out to see how many calories it was.  I am bad.  Bad to the bone.  I don't even feel guilty.